theres a giant burning orb in the sky and it can burn your flesh, it can give you diseases, it can kill you, looking directly at it causes physical pain, and we all think this is okay. we like this orb. we like to go outside and lie around on our backs when this orb is in the sky. children draw cute pictures of this levitating death orb with a smiley face on it. what is wrong with us
everyone says they want a fairytale wedding but when i show up and curse their firstborn suddenly i’m the jerk
When god became lonely
he created man,
Or was it
When man became lonely
he created god.
do you ever get a weird crush on someone that’s not even attractive but you’re just attracted to them and you don’t know why
this is my chance
"I’m 12% Irish, 16% German, 30% Italian, 24% French, 15% Swedish, 3% Cherokee…"
the most important thing I’ve learned since this post got popular is that nothing offends white Americans more than pointing out that they’re a white American
Well, I guess that makes me lucky, ‘cause, uh… I don’t have anyone.
Via Merthur ruined my life
my body isnt a temple my body is a castle with a moat and crocodiles and a dragon who will set you on fire if you touch me
how come when someone decides to eat only fruits and vegetables people commend them for their “willpower” and “diligence” but when i decide to eat a diet composed entirely of mozzarella sticks and vodka suddenly i’m “out of control” and “putting myself in danger”
Some people might feel sorry for themselves in this situation
Puppy don’t care
Puppy’s got stuff to do
Puppy’s got places to be
Puppy’s got people to bark at and things to sniff.
my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”
i told my granddad this post has 3,500 notes and he said ‘who are they? do i know them?’ he wanted me to list everyone and see if he knew anyone